Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
