i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
