chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
