just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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