where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize