wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she pinky promised me she was 18
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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