Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
