I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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