just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
