The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize