I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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