I faked an abortion last night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
