Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
