Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
