It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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