at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
