I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
