But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
