We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
