he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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