Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
