3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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