I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
