Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
