Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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