So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
