No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
