i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
