I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
