Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
