Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
