What a fucking waste of an outfit
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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