for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
