Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I will be naked everywhere
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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