Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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