Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
babies were throwing up all over the place
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
