Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
