It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
