Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
