I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
