Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sext me about skeletons
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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