Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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