i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize