My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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