i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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