She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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