Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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