it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
