You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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