he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize