i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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