Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
