I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
