You really coming over, don't trick.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
