thus making me awesome and them whores
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
