i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize