His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
