DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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