smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
