Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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