My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize