did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
