I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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