I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
