i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
