Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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