You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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