I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
