My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
