I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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