my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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