Already got asked if we're dating
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
