Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
