# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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