dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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